A story of a Dead Mint and the Dark Nights of Relationships

Some months ago, I bought a mint plant. Soon after I brought it home, its leaves turned black and fell down. I put it next to the bin, to throw it, because it seemed to be dead. 

My partner saw that and rebelled against my decision to throw the mint. 

 - It will survive, he said.

 - It is a compost already, I laughed at him.

 - Shhhht! Don’t talk to it like this! - and he took it back on the shelf.

Every day he would spray it, speak to it, move it to the sun in the morning. 

I laughed at him a lot! “Come onnn, I said, let it go! Let it go! It is dead already!”

But he didn’t. He kept nourishing with love the little plant. 

Until one day… 

I woke up and came to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. As every morning, I did the daily check of the plants. Suddenly - surprise!

One tiny little green leaf was growing from the seemingly dead mint stem. 

Day after day, more and more little leaves would appear. 

This story really touched me. Later I was reflecting that the “death” of the little mint is similar to how sometimes a relationship feels. 

Those Dark Times of conflict, separation, getting further away from each other, offence… 

In today’s culture marketing shapes almost two armies of man and women fighting against each other. 

We have green flags and red flags, terms like “toxic” or “narcissist”. 

A whole set of ideas through which to evaluate each other if we are the “right one” for one another. 

“Dump him if he does this and this and that…”

“She is not your woman if she does this and that”

We learn way too much from online gurus, who craft their speeches to market their services.

Capitalism brought love to the market and how much we love each other is measured in the amount of roses and chocolates.

I was reflecting about the path of a relationship. How a relationship moves and grows and transforms. 

If we meet a new person that we don’t know from before, usually the first months  is really just getting to know each other and sex. You are a blank page for me. I want to fantasise about you. I want that you see me in certain ways. I want to impress you. 

If you don’t see me as a loser, maybe I am not. 

If you find me successful, maybe I will become. 

In the beginning we are two very horny strangers, hungry for intimacy and connection. 

Then suddenly…

The doors are wide open for our darkness. For our vulnerability. For what scary us. Patters, traumas, pain, anger… name it! 

I was reflecting on it, because recently my relationship gave me the opportunity to explore a lot of my own darkness and insecurity. My triggers. My fears.

How do I react if I am disappointed? What comes first - the act or my disappointment that is manifesting events? 

Just as the mint in the pot, I would look at my relationship and see no hope. 

Because he don’t do this and this and that…

Because he do this and this and that

Because he say this or don’t say this…

Our relationships are sacred. 

A field of just the two of us. 

Holding each other with the healing power of love. 

I am grateful to the mint and to my man. 

They thought me about hope and that life finds its own ways. 

Now I am a little bit more brave to face my darkness. And also his.