Love

When we first met, we didn’t mean anything to each other. Maybe I felt to spend an extra hour with you, in Enschede, eating an ice cream. You told me Amarena is your favorite and since then, I liked it a little bit more. 

When we first met, we didn’t mean anything to each other. You had those crazy tattoos and I was afraid that you would still the love from me. We spoke about dildos, and drinking beers in front of the sunset. Later, you spoke to me about honesty, and my heart kind of moved. Since then I have asked myself: “Am I honest with life?” 

When we first met, we didn’t mean anything to each other. Maybe I found you beautiful, and the sun was too warm, so I got distracted. Maybe you said something to me, but I was thinking of somebody else and answered automatically. When we first met, I didn’t dare to look at your solitude, for that there were too many distractions between us. Maybe we were just a noise for each other. 

When we first met, we didn’t mean anything to each other and we also didn’t know that we will. We didn’t know that we would meet again, yet we met. We met in your country and later we met in mine. We met in other countries as well. We met under the rain and also that night when I was completely heartbroken and you were holding me in the silent embrace of our discomfort. 

We met when my dog was sick and when your partner left you. And we called… Many times. When my granny passed and when you were uncertain about that person who gave you the butterflies. One time you sent me a song, while I was on the bus and it was raining.  

I never actually told you that a few years ago somebody reminded me of you and I loved them just for that. And I missed you there. Maybe we wanted to call and to speak a lot, or take a flight, but there was distance, so much distance of words and sights we didn’t manage to voice in the world. There was distance and a lot of noise in between. People and tasks, places, running after that little thing. I got home empty one night and you came into my mind. Shall we call? No, it is too late now. 

When we first met, we didn’t mean anything to each other and I don’t dare to ask if we do. I don’t quite dare to ask when will be our next wild trip, our next sleepover, our next moment of holding each other. And if… And if there will be, or life will push us in two different directions, leaving between us only the guilt. The guilt that we didn’t call for quite a while. I didn’t come to your wedding. You skipped my birthday last year.

Do we mean anything to each other? No, shut up!, don’t answer. Just hug me. For a little bit more. For that one second of loving, between our breathing, stealthily hiding from life. By the way, just if life takes us apart, I wanted to tell you… no, come on, let’s not get sentimental… could you walk with me a little bit more? Not that we mean anything to each other, but just in case… it was a hell of a ride! And I love you… but you know, not that much. Just … enough. 

Let’s say: “See you soon” and not “Goodbye”, even if I better whisper: “I love you!” and ... “Take care!”. Thank you for walking with me a little bit more. 

When we first met, I told you: “Life is beautiful” and now I add: “… this way”. Life was beautiful this way! And you are beautiful in life too!