The Dance Between Victim and Perpetrator

When I was a child, I killed a Ladybug. 

My little fingers were blocking her way.

The thumb pressed her little body. 

There was one “crack”. 

I looked at my thumb to discover the leftovers. 

A tiny leg & a wing. 

When I was a child, I killed a ladybug. 

Since then the ladybugs have always been with me. 

When I was a dreamer, I killed a dandelion. 

My hand grabbed his gentle stem and …

broke it with a single move. 

I heard a “crack” and its juices spilled over my fingers. 

When I was a dreamer, I killed a dandelion

Since then, dandelions have always been with me. 

When I was a mother, I killed all the yellow flowers in my land. 

One movement of the sickle broke all the life beneath me.

My womb broke as well and the death spilled itself on my legs and on the dead lands.

When I was a mother, I killed the life.

Since then, life is always within me. 

When I was my ancestors, I sailed.

I sailed with the sheep for many days and

in my desire to have, I killed people. 

Many…

I went to unknown lands where others were speaking languages I didn’t know 

and out of my wonder, I laid my hands on them. 

I slaughtered. I murdered. 

I let their blood soak in those new soils

and their skulls roll to show me the way. 

For days, I looked at the flesh of their children, being washed from the bones 

under the rain. 

I sailed for many days and out of my 

hunger, I raped. I raped. I raped, I raped. I raped 

and I seeded my sperm in this new land,

being deaf for its resistance. 

I seeded. 

I cut the trees and burned their houses,

and then I built my own house,

on top of their grief. And my heart 

was full.

I kissed them, only to bite their 

tongues and let their blood drip into my mouth. 

So from now on, they would speak my language. 

I sailed for many days, many days & 

when I reached the shores, I slayed. 

I erased cities, tribes, and civilizations.

I soaked the land with their own blood. 

I murdered and left their bodies unburried.

I burned their temples and forgot their gods. 

Since then, their songs and laughter have

always been with me. And I carry their ancestors in my heart. 

When I was a lover, I killed the love. 

I suffocated it with a pillow one night. 

I pierced its heart with a needle. 13 times. 

I then dipped my fingers in its dying heart 

and with the plasm, and with the blood, 

I wrote my stories. 

I strangled love and let its body hang from the ceiling. 

Like the flesh of the pig, when it dries. The flies came. 

I forbid love from its existence, erasing its 

letters. So from those letters, my words 

were born.

When I was a lover, I killed the love. 

Since then, Love is always walking beside me on my way. 

When I was a killer, I met a child. 

A young boy, with blond hair and a smile. 

He came closer and looked at me, … deeply. 

With his blue eyes and his freckles. 

He looked at me gently, with his

   white skin and dirty socks. 

He looked at me with his innocence, with no fear. 

When I was a killer, I ……. his life.

Since that day, death is always with me.